another moral hangover. fuck.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
