playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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