it was like eating out sand paper
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
