so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
birth control should be required to get into college
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
