sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
