her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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