Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize