can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
