guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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