My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
