Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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