Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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