Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
