The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
