I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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