New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
