If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
