She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
