last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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