the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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