come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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