you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
