when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
