I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
