I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
