you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
