A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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