She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
