Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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