New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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