I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
