Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
