Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
