so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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