My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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