i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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