Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
