the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I want is dick and wine.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
