Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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