I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You ruined the universe
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
