they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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