Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
