Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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