ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
bring money and cleavage
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
