So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
