i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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