Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
