Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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