woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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