That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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