arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
