Say something about gay babies.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is my gift to your gina
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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