Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
