Already got asked if we're dating
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
