Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
