Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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