just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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