Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
