i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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