Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
