dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
