Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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