the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
