Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
