You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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