just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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