Sry I called you an 8
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
