East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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