Dual....:-)
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
