"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
