Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
