I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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