there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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