let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
