Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
