All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
