Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
