Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
