I need to stop coming to work sober
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
