There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
