Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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